Do you still love me? Five love languages we use to express love and appreciation

By Angel Arts

Photo by Rigged Photography from Pexels

How to notice the signs of love and appreciation in your partner and express your feelings for them (the way they will understand!)  

Do you feel like your partner doesn’t express their love to you enough? Do they feel distant? You don’t feel loved and appreciated anymore and wonder where did the feelings go? Hold on right there! Maybe you still love each other a lot, but you speak different love languages, and that makes you both feel not appreciated enough… The good news is, this can be fixed!

People express love and appreciation in five love languages

[Photo by Vitor Lima from Pexels]

In his book “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts”, Dr. Gary Chapman says that there are 5 love languages – five main ways people express and like to receive love and appreciation. These are: words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, gifts, physical touch. Each person can relate to different ones but has one that they prefer. 

If you and your partner speak different love languages, you may not be making the signs of love you should be making or missing out on the signs you need to receive. Check out this article and use it as a chance to talk to your partner and discover what each of you needs. If you discover what those are for each of you, you’ll be able to give each other the attention you both deserve and feel as loved as you truly are.  

What saying “I love you” and “I appreciate you” looks like in different love languages

[Photo by Vlada Karpovich from Pexels]

Words of affirmation

People whose primary language is words of affirmation need to give and receive verbal acknowledgements of love and affection. These could be compliments saying what they do well, how they make you feel, what they’re wearing, how special they are etc. It can also be “I love you”, verbal support, encouragement. Words can be said, written, texted, published on social media – your lover whose primary language is words of affirmation will appreciate all of these.   

Quality time together

People who speak this love language feel most loved when their partners actively want to spend time with them without other distractions (such as phones, tellies, or any other external distractions). Active listening, eye contact, being fully present with your partner are the biggest sign of love for them. They love meaningful conversations and need to give and receive undivided attention. They long for quality time together, when both are focused on each other. 

Acts of service

Lovers who prefer this love language appreciate it when partners take actions that demonstrate love and caring. It can be cooking, looking after you when you’re unwell, collecting your shirts and dresses from dry cleaners when you’re busy to do it yourself. Loading/unloading the dishwasher, sorting out the laundry – whether it’s something big or small, acts of service are the biggest sign of love for these people. 

Physical touch

People from this category need constant physical signs of affection – kissing, holding hands, having sex, and cuddles, cuddles, cuddles. Physical closeness and touch make them feel loved most of all. They might choose to spend Saturday with you in bed rather than see friends for lunch, just because they didn’t get enough cuddles this week! 

Gifts

Visual symbols of love are the strongest expression of love to these partners. And it’s not as much about the value of presents as about attention and effort you’ve put in your research. It doesn’t express love if you just bought something physical. It shows love when you’ve been observing your partner, discovering their dreams, childhood memories, likes, and interests, and then finding something that reflects their tastes and values. They truly appreciate the effort behind the present. It makes them feel how much you really know them and makes them feel special.   

How to discover yours and your partner’s main love language and help your relationship

[Photo by Wilson Vitorino from Pexels]

Usually, the way a person expresses their love and appreciation most is the way they prefer to receive it. But if we just watch them, we may get it wrong. For instance, your partner’s main language can be words of affirmation. Because you’re more busy with work, they always make you a cup of coffee while you’re taking your morning shower, they do the laundry and handle the dishwasher, and may do other chores. So at some point, you may think that acts of service are your partner’s primary language, and you need physical touch. So you try to catch up on chores but avoid verbal affirmations (which your lover needs). And then you go for your preferences, such as cuddles and sex. And for a while, that works, but your partner starts feeling like there’s no emotional connection over time. 

Talk to your partner

Observing our partners AND talking to them about it is essential here. It really helps my partner and me when we ask each other every now and again, “Have I said “I love you” enough these days?”, “I need more cuddles”. 

Suggest solutions and make steps!

Acknowledging that you hadn’t done enough is one thing. But don’t stop on regrets; suggest solutions, show your partner that you’re really trying to make it work. And – most importantly – make it work! Say and do things that will make your partner feel appreciated immediately –

“Sorry I had no chance to …  Don’t do it, I’ll do it in an hour”, or “We haven’t spent enough time together lately, why don’t we go for a walk…”, or “I need more walks, cuddles and laughs with you, let’s book a holiday”.   

This may sound simple as a concept, but it’s based on years of experience in marriage counselling – Dr. Chapman’s and other therapists. Discover what yours and your partner’s primary love languages are and “speak” those regularly, and you will both feel understood, loved, and appreciated as much as you are!